The High Cost of Resentment and Anger in Marriage
Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of anger and resentment from their marriage. Periodically, they unpack these suitcases and review every situation in which they feel they were treated unfairly. "Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins," declares Neil Kinnock. Hanging on to anger and resentment is toxic, and the resulting sludge can slowly poison you. It's easy to lose your perspective about the bigger picture and to be become obsessed with how things "should" have been and how others "should" have treated you. In your mind, you may visualize yourself zapping the other person with the perfect verbal comeback or having the opportunity to get even in some way. The more you let your mind gallop in this direction, the angrier you get and the more you feel self-righteous and justified in your reaction. When you become mired in anger, resentment, blame, and revenge, you are only hurting yourself. In the process, you put yourself at risk for experiencing health problems, sleeping difficulties, depression, relationship rifts, and daily agitation. You automatically increase your stress level and decrease your enjoyment of life. And the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets. Nothing you do to try to find inner peace will be effective when you are filled with anger and resentment. "If we have not peace within ourselves, it is in vain to seek it from outward sources," states Francois de La Rochefoucauld. As long as you hold on to bitter feelings, you are sabotaging yourself by destroying any chance that you can experience peace of mind. Dr. Wayne Dyer, in "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace," states: "It's your ego that demands that the world and all the people in it be as you think they should be." He continues by saying, "It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of resentment and revenge from your life completely." Dr. Dyer compares resentment to venom that continues to circulate in your system long after the snakebite has occurred. He emphasizes that it's not the bite that kills you; it's the venom. What, then, is the antidote? How can you find peace of mind? How can you handle your feelings of anger and resentment from the experiences in your marriage? How can you create a peaceful marriage now? The answer lies in letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness. You can't change what has happened, and you can't control what your spouse chooses to do. But you do have control over the choices you make. You can choose to cut the emotional bond that is keeping you tied to your anger and resentment. Instead, you can decide to experience the joy of freedom from the heavy burdens you have been carrying around for so long. To get the help you need in letting go of the past, you always have the option of asking a therapist or minister to assist you. Thomas Fuller observes, "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven." Without forgiveness, your life becomes an endless cycle of anger, resentment, and retaliation. You practice forgiveness so that you can stop ruminating about the past and put your energy into the present moment. And you practice forgiveness so that you will be free from the poisonous effects of resentment. Then, you can experience peace of mind and bring that inner peacefulness into your marriage. You will never have a peaceful marriage until you are at peace within yourself. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Men?s Wedding Rings - Should a Man Wear One or Not?
Strange as it may seem the use of a wedding ring by men was not common until recently. Whereas women have worn wedding rings for eons, men have not. The use of rings as a symbol of everlasting love enshrined in marriage can be traced back thousands of years. But not so much for men.
Get Wedding Gifts Youll Enjoy -- Creating Your Wedding Registry
Receiving wedding gifts is a whole lot more fun when the gifts are of your choice. It is a good idea to create a wedding registry to help your guests choose a wedding gift that you'll enjoy...and use!
Wedding Invitation Tips and Advice
You're well into planning your wedding and have finally decided on the design of your wedding invitation. The wording has been chosen and the guest list is well on its way to completion. Here are some additional wedding invitation tips and advice that you should also be aware of.
The Bachelor Party: A Guide For The Best Man
If you forget the ring, there is still a chance that you might be forgiven. If you throw a poor bachelor party, you might as well throw away your friendship.
Send Flowers and Liberate Your Bridal Party From the Shackles Of Monogram Hell
With so many ways to ask your closest friends and family members to be a part of your big day, it's tough to know how to strike a balance between creativity, cost and convenience. Sure, you can opt for the boring standards like monogrammed stationery, handkerchiefs and jewelry---and be like every other bride on the block. Or, you can send flowers with Beyond Blossoms to help make your "ask" as unique as you are with its Beaming Bridesmaid Package.
How to Select a Wedding Photographer
Selecting a wedding photographer can be a daunting task. Not only does the photographer need to be able to produce outstanding memories of your wedding day but also has to be able to fit into the celebration and be highly professional every step of the way.
How Is A Professional Wedding Designer Different From Other Wedding Vendors Who Do Event Planning?
Often when you are looking for wedding vendors who suit your needs, you will run across a vendor that advertises that they also will coordinate your wedding - FREE! These people generally do not have the extensive training or association memberships that professional wedding designers or bridal consultants have.
Marriage Counseling: What to Do When a Spouse Flirts Too Much
When Alicia first met Tim, she found him outgoing, charming, and easy to talk to. She thought he was very witty and funny, always the life of the party with everyone gathered around him. Yes, he flirted a lot, but while he was talking, he'd turn to wink at her, take her hand, or put his arm around her shoulder as he continued talking.
50th Wedding Anniversary Gift Ideas
A 50th anniversary gift commemorates a milestone most married couples
wish to reach. What can you possibly give a couple after 50 years of marriage? The
most meaningful wedding anniversary gift is one that comes from the heart: to
express your love and appreciation towards all that they mean to you, how their
staying married through the thick and thin of life has influenced you, to tell about
the warm and loving memories you shared with them throughout the years.
Creative Wedding Cards
You invitation is a reflection on the type of wedding its going to be weather it be formal, informal or themed this will be transparent in the invitation. The invitation is the only essential stationary required everything else is optional.
Hawaii Honeymoon Vacations - Romanticizing Your Honeymoon!
Hawaii honeymoon vacations could take you to a miracle trip to the most enchanting beaches of Hawaii. There are beaches, long and beautiful across the world but none of them could be a match for the ultimate Hawaii beaches. The Big Island of Hawaii especially has activities like scuba diving and snorkeling to enjoy. Some of the well known beaches in the Big Island are at Kohala coast, Kona District, Hilo District, Puna and Kau districts. Then there are other beaches which are equally exotic and bewitching like Maui beaches, Kauai beaches, Oahu beaches etc.
Wedding Flowers and Arrangements?Best Advice from the Experts
Now that you are planning your wedding, you've got to choose
bouquets, boutonnieres, centerpieces, church arrangements, and a
stunning corsage for one of the most important people who will attend
the ceremony-your mother. Somehow, you'll have to make the
arrangements for all this, and at a cost that will likely be between 10 and
15 percent of your overall wedding budget.
Wedding Day Hair Styles - A Top Ten Checklist
The big day is fast approaching, and the energy of the
moment sweeps you up. But does it carry your hair along
too? Use the following checklist to ensure your wedding day
hair is everything you dream it will be:
Weddings - Wedding Plan - Wedding Planner Tools - Ten Essential Tips
Getting Married? Congratulations! You just set the date for the most important day in your life. Your wedding day. Imagine...It is your wedding day. Your very own wedding day! It will be fun.
A Wedding Theme Can Rescue Your Wedding from Being Another Ho-Hum-Boring Disaster
Are you a Bride-to-Be? Wonderful! Congratulations! But what's that enormous cloud hanging over you? Of course! It's that insurmountable task you're thinking about all the time: "How am I going to create a beautiful and memorable Wedding Day out of thin air?"
Save on Wedding Costs and Have that Chocolate Fountain
Chocolate fountains, once a rarity at weddings, are becoming more common -- but no less beloved. Still, they pose a budget crunch for many brides, coming in at only slightly under the cost of the wedding cake -- and that's for a one-day rental!
Marriage Dreams When Fails!
Marriage and Attraction: Relation is successful as long as there is attraction between the partners. Attraction of actions, attentiveness, beauty, behaviour, caring nature, sexual satisfaction and etc, contribute to prolong relation. Activities to attract partner becomes slow and casual as involves in normal and daily responsibilities leads to escaping the second role. A person has mainly two roles in married life, one for spouse and the other with Job/ responsibilities. Partner and family attraction influences to conduct responsibilities to benefit the family and thus the involvement in responsibilities intensifies that elapses attention to spouse. Especially women undergo this stage involving intensely in their free services of taking care of children and maintaining house. After reaching from office male partner expects his wife fresh and sexy who is heavily tired of hardship. A disappointment is the major factors for fading attraction towards her.
The Enigma of Daytime Bachelor Party Activities
As most of you know the evening festivities for a bachelor party are already pre-determined. They usually involve some combination of limos, nightclubs, and gentlemen's clubs. But, the difficult question that always remains is: what are we going to do during the day? There are a plethora of options for the guys to choose from and I am sure this list will help:
Searching For An Affordable Mother Of The Bride Dress
It is absolutely possible to find a beautiful and affordable mother of the bride dress. It may take a bit of an investment of time and effort, but you'll spend that finding the perfect dress for you, regardless of how much money you want to spend on it. It's important to note that paying a lot for a dress doesn't make it flattering, an affordable dress that suits you will always look better than an expensive dress by the best designer that doesn't. Careful shopping will help you to find an affordable mother of the bride dress that makes you look your very best.
Finding the Perfect Bridesmaid Gift
The bridesmaid gift is essential to the planning of a wedding. While many may believe that a wedding is all about the bride, it is still important to show appreciation to your bridesmaids. These are your right-hand ladies who have always been there for you. They have taken the time to be there and help you out on your special day and what better way of showing appreciation than getting them a bridesmaid gift. But how do you avoid getting a generic bridesmaid gift or something that they will just throw away when they get home? Here are some bridesmaid gift guidelines that should help you in your pursuit of finding the perfect bridesmaid gift.
|
