Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex
It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been great sex. If that's your goal, following these twelve suggestions will ensure that, over time, your spouse will become very creative in finding ways to avoid having sex with you. Of course, I'm writing this article "tongue in cheek" to make a point. But I can assure you that these behaviors will detract from your sexual relationship with your partner. That's because sexual feelings are vulnerable to being affected by so many other factors, such as self-esteem, expectations, criticism, emotional intimacy, and pressure. So here are the behaviors guaranteed to be "turn offs" to your spouse. In quote marks is the faulty reasoning that gets marriages into trouble. In parentheses (...), I've added a counterweight to the faulty reasoning. 1. Develop a set routine for when you want to have sex-the same time and same place every week. "That way, you don't have to wonder when you'll have sex-Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. in the bedroom-just like clock work. No use leaving it to chance, right?" (How boring. Try adding excitement by surprising your mate with something slightly new and different.) 2. Follow exactly the same "plays" and "moves" each time. "This way you both know what to expect each time. It's just too much work to come up with different things to try, and after the honeymoon period, it's not really necessary, is it?" (Instead, remember a variation on the old saying that variety is the spice of life... and of sex). 3. Drink a lot first so that you're loosened up. "If your mate doesn't like the smell or wishes you wouldn't drink so much before sex, it's just too bad. You can't let your spouse tell you what to do, can you?" (Consistent and excessive intoxication during sex is a big turn-off and could indicate deeper problems.) 4. Only touch your spouse when your goal is to have sex. "Save your hugs, wet kisses, and holding hands until you're ready to signal that you want sex. That way your partner will associate your touch with sex and know what to expect, get my drift? Cuts down on misunderstandings, doesn't it?" (Actually, the best sex can be the result of hours or even days of buildup with no obvious sign of sex on the horizon. During this time, any sign of affection - a touch, a hug, some compliments - can be powerful foreplay that builds to ignite passion.) 5. Expect your spouse to deliver the sexual goods because you're married. "Your mate knows that every 'good' marriage partner owes sex to the other partner as part of his or her 'duties.' After all, isn't this supposed to be one of the benefits of being married?" (When sex becomes an obligation, it becomes as appealing as paying taxes. Instead, if your goal is to make the experience breathtaking for your partner, you'll never have to invoke guilt or obligation to get sex.) 6. Push for sex even if your spouse seems reluctant and uninterested as long as he or she says "okay." "If the verbal agreement is there, ignore the behavioral signals that indicate reluctance. If your spouse didn't really want to have sex, he or she should have said so up front, right?" (Pay close attention to your mate's body language. That can be more revealing of true interest in sex than words alone. You'll damage your relationship if you forge ahead when your partner only agrees just to get it over with.) 7. Skip foreplay and get to the major action immediately. "It takes too much time to bother with all that extra stuff. Besides, both of you have to go to work in the morning and need your sleep. You can't afford to waste time." (The truth is, there is often a direct correlation to the amount of foreplay with the quality of the sex. The better the buildup, the better the payoff.) 8. Criticize your spouse's sexual performance. "After all, you're only trying to motivate your mate to be a better sexual partner. It's not healthy to keep things in, so he or she will just have to listen to your critique." (You will get more satisfying performance out of your mate by praising what he or she does that you like, rather than the contrary.) 9. Criticize your spouse's physical appearance. "If your partner has developed a beer belly or gotten flabby, you're doing him or her a favor to say how much that turns you off. It'll motivate your spouse to lose weight and shape up, which will help him or her in the long run." (The rule is: use positive strokes to motivate your partner. Negative criticism will poison your sex life.) 10. Answer your cell phone during sex. "You just never know; this call might be important. Anyway, what's the big deal? It's not like you'll never have sex again. You've been having sex for years now, so why should your partner get upset with an occasional interruption?" (Respect your partner with your undivided attention to get back the same. Minimize all distractions if possible.) 11. Get it over with as fast as possible as long as you're satisfied. "Don't ask your partner if there's anything you can do for him or her. Just assume that everything's okay unless your mate says something." (If satisfaction is not mutual, your sex life will suffer. The simple question a couple can ask each other - "How can I please you?" - works wonders.) 12. Jump up immediately and make your get-away afterwards. "The faster you get finished, the faster you'll be able to get to sleep. There's no time to waste just lying there talking. You can talk tomorrow over breakfast." (Emotional closeness is the currency of intimacy and you can achieve it by allowing each other to share honest feelings. Pillow talk after sex is one of the best times for this.) Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Slash Your Wedding Ceremony Bills
When it comes to your wedding services alone, nobody wants to spend an arm and a leg on this and still have to foot the bill for the reception. Really it depends on where you want to your wedding to be and what type of service that you are hoping to have. With careful wedding planning, you can save a small fortune!
What Being Best Man is All About
Being a best man is like many duties you will undertake in your life no problem (even enjoyable) if you are fully prepared.
Wedding Tips
Weddings are made in heaven, they say, but they have to be organized on earth. For most of us wedding is a once-in-lifetime affair when someone most special becomes yours for the rest of your life. So certainly you want your wedding to be special, you want to make it a perpetually memorable occasion, an occasion you can visit in your memories and savor its moments frame by frame.
Irreversible
My husband had two affairs last year. I am pretty confident he is not cheating now, and we are seeing a marriage counselor. He has changed much since I found out what he was doing. He put our property in my name and bought me a $12,000 diamond ring.
Give-and Take: Recipe for Success in Marriage?
A woman once visited a counselor to ask a question about her marriage. I have a funny feeling that you might not be especially impressed with the answer she was given.
Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex
It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been great sex. If that's your goal, following these twelve suggestions will ensure that, over time, your spouse will become very creative in finding ways to avoid having sex with you.
Wedding Receptions: How To Set Up The Tables
Getting the wedding tables right can make a big difference to your wedding
reception. Get things right, and the reception will be a great event enjoyed by all, with everyone having fun and no-one getting stressed. Get it wrong though, and people will be bored, worried and confused.
Celebrate With Butterflies ? The Flying Flowers
Make your upcoming event the most memorable ever by adding butterflies to your special day. Butterfly Releases are a perfect way to celebrate all of the important occasions in life. They are wonderful additions to weddings, anniversaries, funerals, memorials, birthdays, holidays, ceremonies, and even corporate events.
You?re Making Your Wedding List and Checking It Twice?What Have You Forgotten?
Preparing for a wedding, large or small, is overwhelming! A way to combat that feeling is to break down the required tasks, divide the responsibilities and assign deadlines. Ok, all that is fine-but what have you forgotten?
Wedding Planning: Clear Communication with Your Wedding Guests
Effective communication between you and your wedding guests is essential in the months leading up to your wedding. But in this stressful time, how can you maintain healthy relationships with your family and friends when you're flooded with questions and feeling in over your head?
Lighting The Way When Two Become One
Whether you want to add a little extra romance to an evening reception or a little glow to your house of worship, candles are a natural, effortless addition to your wedding theme. You'll have no trouble finding a role for candles at the wedding ceremony, at the reception, and even as part of the floral displays.
Shopping For Elegant Mother Of The Bride Dresses
There are many places to shop for elegant mother of the bride dresses that are also affordable. You don't have to spend a lot of money to ensure elegance. In fact, if you shop with an eye on line, cut and style, rather on designer name and price, you'll be surprised at how elegant you can look without spending an outrageous amount of money. There are elegant mother of the bride dresses to suit every budget size.
For Second Weddings Only - Eight Tips
Planning a second wedding? Prevent favorite guests comparing your second wedding, to the first wedding. It isn't tricky but it will take some thought. Whether guests will or will not compare weddings is likely to be determined by the bride's status.
Ditching a Wedding
John's cousin, Grace, is getting married in Liverpool, UK and he lives in Glasgow, UK. He does not really want to attend the wedding, weddings and such are just not his idea of a fun Saturday. He has already spent time and attended all the functions and parties over the last month that family and friends have had to congratulate her and he wants this weekend for himself.
Marriage Counseling: What Do Husbands Really Want in a Wife?
Because many men do not discuss feelings as easily as most women do, wives are often shocked when their husband actually voices his desire to separate or divorce. They might have suspected that their spouse wasn't entirely happy, but they didn't think he'd ever be the one to end the marriage.
Whats in a Greek Wedding?
The wedding service in the Greek Orthodox faith is an ancient and beautiful ceremony, which has been celebrated in its current form for centuries. The wedding ceremony is full of symbolism and is a great experience if you have never attended one before, because it is likely to be quite different from other weddings you have attended in Western Europe. The service is also rather unique because the bride and groom do not make vows to each other ? their presence together in the church is taken to mean that they are serious about getting married. There are no wedding rehearsals and the ceremony usually has a very relaxed atmosphere - guests take photos whenever they want to and often chat quietly among themselves throughout the ceremony.
The Beginning of the Wedding
In most cases the wedding guests will wait with the groom outside the church until the bride arrives (a few sneaky wedding pros will go into the church early to secure a good seat). In the Summer, when most weddings take place, it is not unusual for ceremonies to be arranged back to back, so the guests attending a marriage will often stand around with those who have just attended the previous wedding are ready to leave. Wedding dress commentators among the crowd will get to consider and discuss at least two brides and maybe even a third as they leave the church ? bargain! Meanwhile, the groom waits for the bride at the entrance to the church, often holding her floral bouquet. He hands it to her as they meet and they then go inside together followed by the guests. There is no separation of the guests into guests of the bride and guests of the groom ? everyone sits together and in the case of small churches, many people prefer to stand in a spot where they can get a good view of the proceedings.
Service of Betrothal
The wedding ceremony itself is in two parts: the Service of Betrothal and the Ceremony of the Sacrament of Marriage. The exchanging of rings is the focus of the Service of Betrothal. The priest blesses the rings by holding them in his right hand and making the sign of the cross over the heads of the bride and groom. The rings are then placed on the third fingers of their right hands. The Koumbaro, the couple's religious sponsor, then swaps the rings over between the bride and groom's fingers, three times. A number of rituals in the ceremony are repeated three times and this symbolises the Holy Trinity: God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Ceremony of the Sacrament of Marriage
This Ceremony consists of several key parts. First, several prayers are said and then as they come to an end, the priest joins the right hands of the bride and groom. Their hands remain joined until the end of the wedding ceremony, which symbolises the couple's union.
The Crowning
The bride and groom are crowned with thin crowns, or stefana, which are joined by a white ribbon and have been blessed by the priest. The crowns symbolise the glory and honour that is being bestowed on them by God, and the the ribbon symbolises their unity. The koumbaro then exchanges the crowns between the heads of the couple, three times.
The Common Cup
The crowning is followed by a reading of the Gospel, which tells of the marriage of Cana at Galilee. It was at this wedding that Jesus performed his first miracle, changing water into wine, which was then given to the married couple. Wine is given to the couple and they each drink from it three times.
The Ceremonial Walk
The priest the leads the couple, who are still wearing their stefana, three times around the altar on their first steps as a married couple. The Koumbaro follows close behind the couple holding the stefana place. At this point the couple (and anyone standing nearby) is usually showered with rice, which was earlier handed out to the wedding guests. The priest will often make use of the bible he is holding to give himself some protection!
The Removal of the Crowns
When the Ceremonial Walk has ended, the priest blesses the couple, the crowns are removed and he then separates their previously joined hands with the bible, reminding them that only God can break the union which they have just entered into.
Wedding traditions
Unfortunately, a lot of the information available on Greek Orthodox wedding traditions is a little outdated and contains generalisations that give the impression that certain traditions are followed by everyone who gets married. Some of these traditions are set out below.
Las Vegas Helicopter Weddings
If you've always dreamed of flying in a helicopter, Las Vegas helicopter weddings are your chance to incorporate that dream into your wedding plans. You may think of your helicopter as mere transportation, taking you from one location in and around Las Vegas to another or you may plan your entire wedding inside the helicopter while you are up in the air, or on the way to the location of your choice.
The Planning of a Bridal Shower!
Planning a bridal shower? Maybe a dear friend or even sister is getting married and you are in charge of planning the bridal shower? Bridal showers are customary and traditional. They aren't all about the bridal shower gifts though! They are a way to welcome new family members and celebrate a new beginning for the couple. But, they can also be fun if planned to be.
Your Bridal Shoes: No Need to Sacrifice Style for Comfort
Think your bridal gown is the most important garment you'll need for your wedding? Think again! Your shoes could make or break your day. When your feet hurt, it shows on your face, and you only want smiles on your wedding day.
How To Fight Cultural Differences In Marriage And Stay Happy
When people plan to marry, they expect to find in their partner not only a lover but a friend also. A person with whom they can share their opinions, their emotions, thoughts and fears.
|
