Ending Co-Dependence
Why does Co-dependence arise? Well because two or more individuals make an unconscious contract with each other to try to satisfy the unmet needs of the other. Initially, especially in the case of a couple, this contract is defined as "love". For instance, how many times have you heard yourself or others say something like "I can't live without you". Usually this means "without you my needs won't get met". In other words, "I will start to feel empty, needy, anxious and desperate without my needs being met by you". The reason that this type of relational contract eventually breaks down is because no one can possibly meet the needs of any other person. Trying to do so would take so much energy and effort that it would essentially deplete the person trying to. Hence at some point the person whose needs are not being satisfied will start to feel disgruntled and perhaps start using the following expression, "you don't love me any more" when what they really mean is "you have broken your contract to meet my needs". The unfortunate result of such a broken contract is that either the individuals part and try to find someone else to meet their unmet needs or they try to force, or coerce, usually through guilt, the other person into trying to meet their needs. This is when things can get very ugly. So what can be done about this ongoing saga that seems to affect almost all relationships in my view? Although this may not be met with applause by most individuals reading this article I must say that it becomes necessary to address one's unmet needs one's self. This is the alternative to trying to turn one's partner or friend into becoming one's "new parent". The latter strategy will always fail and leaves one's integrity in tatters. Trust me, I've seen happen hundreds of times. So how does one address one's needs one's self? In order to begin to address this I offer an example of a common need: "I need you to validate me so I can feel good about myself". Let's look closely at what this need implies. The need suggests that it is there to help motivate the individual to get the validation he/she needs, so that, it will get met, so that, it will make that individual feel complete, whole, will give them self esteem and self confidence. In other words that "the need to be validated will make them feel good about themselves". So what I would like to suggest you do right now, if you wish, is summon up the need to be validated in yourself (if this is something you personally struggle with) and notice whether you feel good about yourself as you are aware of it's effect on you. Do you feel good about yourself knowing that you have such a need? I doubt it. In fact you may feel somewhat foolish or weakened by having such a toxic need inside you. Is this what you want living inside you? If not, make some simple statements to the effect that a) you acknowledge that the belief that this need is helping you is false b) that the need itself is toxic to you i.e. it weakens you and leaves you "needy" and c) that you would like the need and the false belief that it helps you feel good about yourself purged from your life. I will leave it to you to determine for yourself the impact that such a simple process can have on your life and on your relationships. For more help with such issues you can visit the web site below. Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is a Key Note Speaker, Author, Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build phyiscal, emotional, mental and spirtual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being.
Personal Url: http://www.telecoaching4u.com
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Destination Weddings in Oregon
Oregon is one of the most marvelous places in the world. Blessed with a variety of climates, landscapes, cultural diversity, tourist attractions, beautiful cities and friendly people can make the wedding day fantasies of any couple come true.
Wedding Dresses - What To Wear
You have begun to plan your wedding and you want your wedding to be special and unique to your and your future spouse. There are traditions and superstitions that have grown around the wedding ceremony, the bride, and what the bride wears in particular. Let's take a look at some of them.
Fifteen Fabulous Favors
The possibilities are endless when it comes to creating (or choosing) wedding favors. Take a look at the list below for fifteen fabulous ideas.
Honeymoon Vacation Ideas can be Economical
If you are looking for honeymoon vacation ideas that will be the most enjoyable without putting you into massive debt, consider some of these tips.
Cheap Wedding Invitations
Every couple has different priorities when it comes to budgeting for their wedding. For some, the dress is a necessary splurge while others focus their money into creating a memorable dining and entertainment experience.
Marriage A Menace
Apparently for a person to get married is like burning the candle at both ends. No one can say that what particularly is the meticulous age to get married but people in our society have set age limits for a person to get married and it has now become a common tendency that if a person crosses a certain limit he or she has to die in harness.
The milieu are society has erected is bringing about such a sense of escape among our youth from getting married. Though I am not a married person but I ask any married couple that who is happy to get wed. All my acquaintances recall the time before they were married as they had more time and more opportunities. This is not a contradiction about marriage but nowadays when the world has become a global village, a single woman or a man is always targeted. Why is that so?
Hey, Where Do I Put My Speakers? Unique Venues Require Unique DJs
If your wedding or party is being held in a unique facility with specific acoustic issues (multiple rooms, indoor/outdoors, echo issue, broken up ceiling surface, in a tent, etc.) then you need to educate yourself. Normal placement of your DJ's speakers ? on speaker stands, may not be the correct thing to do for your given room layout. Your professional disc jockey should be able to offer you knowledgeable acoustic solutions to your needs.
Terrific Advice Concerning Destination Weddings As Shared By Two Gurus On The Topic
Today Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel.com & Bookpleasures.com is pleased to have as a guest, Denise and Alan Fields, authors of BRIDAL BARGAINS and the BRIDAL PASSPORT WEDDING PLANNER. Both are in bookstores nationwide or you can order online at WINDSORPEAK.COM.
Proper Etiquette for the Wedding Invitation
The invitation is the first impression of the type of wedding you have planned. Your invitation may be custom made, sophisticated, eloquent or a do it yourself creation. With all the styles and colors to choose from, it should not be too difficult to find the perfect invitation.
Diamond Wedding Rings ? The Things to Look For
There is a huge array of diamond wedding rings available today, and choosing the one that will be with you for a lifetime is a serious affair. Not only are there aesthetic factors to bear in mind, your diamond wedding ring holds also a deeper significance. It is a symbol of your love for the person that you married, and you should select the ring that you feels best captures the essence of these feelings.
Choosing a Wedding Date ?- When You?re Feeling Indecisive
He ? or she ? asked, and you answered in the affirmative! Now's the time to bask in the romance, and enjoy the first phase of your new life together. But soon, you'll need a response for that timeless question: "when's the wedding?"
Helping The Control Freak Plan The Wedding
My daughter and fiancé have finally set the "big day" but now comes the fun part of helping the control freak plan the wedding. The control freak being my daughter.
How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand
Too many wives with cheating husbands put up with their husband's infidelity because they feel they have no choice, or they don't know what else to do. If you're in a similar situation, don't despair. You have more power and control than you think.
Honeymooning on the Waves
Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the ultimate romantic date. You can't be much more together alone than when you're separated from the rest of the world by sheets and sheets of water.
You?re Making Your Wedding List and Checking It Twice?What Have You Forgotten?
Preparing for a wedding, large or small, is overwhelming! A way to combat that feeling is to break down the required tasks, divide the responsibilities and assign deadlines. Ok, all that is fine-but what have you forgotten?
Wedding Centerpiece Ideas
Everybody who has decided to marry wants their day to be special and they want every aspect of their day to be just so. When it comes right down to it just how important are your wedding centerpiece ideas?
Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
Hearing that your cheating spouse is "in love" with someone else is devastating. I hear often, "I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and "love" someone else?man, that is hard." (Feel free to substitute the word he for she in this article.)
Wedding Favors That Embrace Nature?s Beauty
A wedding planned in the spirit of nature provides the perfect opportunity for selecting wedding favors fashioned after elegant symbols consisting of, but not limited to maple leaves, butterflies, lavender buds, and roses. While there is certainly no shortage of wedding favors available today that are inspired by nature, those that are carefully designed with distinctive style and artistic detail remain popular choices.
What Goes Into Wedding Preparation From Your DJ?
Exactly what should your disc jockey be doing in the weeks/months prior to your wedding? If you think that they just show up at your reception and are ready to go - you've missed out on what they've been doing to prepare.
Love Connections - How Wonderful They Are
I've been noticing a few things lately that a few years back were not there.
|
